I was watching How I Met Your Mother earlier tonight (one of my favorite shows!), and one of the characters, Ted, was focused on the fact that he was still alone (i.e. no girlfriend/wife). He was sad, frustrated, disappointed, and seemed a little beaten down.
Ted's experienced unrequited love (another character on the show, Robin, doesn't feel the same way about him). It's obvious that it's really sad for him--the feeling that he's putting himself out there, that he's a great guy with a lot to offer, but he still comes up empty. I really identified with this.
But, at the end of the show, Ted realizes that there are essentially too many ghosts of past memories, past ideas, and past feelings lingering in his apartment. He acknowledges that the ghosts will never be at rest until they have moved on. He also appeared to realize that if something (be it a relationship, a job, or where you live) isn't a good fit (for whatever reason--maybe we never really know) that it really is better to know about this early on so that you don't waste years in an unhappy situation. I know that all of these sentiments are true.
As the show was ending, I thought Ted was just going to be left sad, maybe a little lost, and charged with the task of determining "what's next" (I think that's a horrible feeling of emptiness, confusion, and I suppose what it must be like to have no ground underneath your feet). Ted surprised me though! Ok, ok, so it was the show's writers, I must give credit where credit is due! Ted admitted that he needed a change, that this was the only way the ghosts of his past hopes and feelings would be a rest and be at peace, and he seemed to be optimistic about the future.
I think I need a change. There are many feelings, thoughts, broken promises, and unfulfilled wishes and dreams from my past that need to be put to rest. I suppose I'm in a good place in my life, but I really believe that the shadows of all of these emotions, memories, and ideas I've had to say goodbye to keep me in a place that I don't want to be, a place that is unproductive, unhealthy, and completely useless. I guess I'm still trying to find my own way to move on from so much and let things be at rest, and maybe I really don't know how.
I have to wonder, though, if making some changes in my life would help. I've been living more for myself recently (and that's a great thing!) by becoming more actively involved in causes/organizations that have meaning for me (i.e. volunteering my time), and I'm so glad that I can do this. I actually just today decided to take an extended break from the online dating world. I was tired of it--tired of looking! I need a break from that, and I think I'll be a lot happier if I spend my time engaged in activities and pursuits that are of interest to me rather than looking for Mr. Right! (Though I so identify with Ted with the feeling that you're never noticed or nothing ever seems to work out although you know how much you have to give and what a catch you are--I hope I am!). I'm not sure what else to do--suggestions are welcome!!
I need a little more pep in my step, I want to move forward, and, while I've tried to say goodbye to the feelings, emotions, and some of the dreams/plans I've had for my life, I want to be able to leave them in my past completely and remember (everyday remember!) that some of the best days of my life haven't even happened yet. I want that to be what guides me.
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