Hey, don't get me wrong, I'm very much aware that I'm soooo lucky to be employed. And I try to remember to give thanks for that everyday (even though there are things about my job that displease me). I'm truly much better off than most of my contemporaries. --As I write this, I'll take a moment to stop and give thanks and praise for that--- . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Anyway, that all being said, damn if I don't have and haven't previously had some employers who have no understanding of proper boundaries in the workplace. First, about a year ago, the work environment I was in was completely intolerable. I have never encountered anything like that in my life, and I do not think I ever will again (I mean, if I do, I'll just have to fucking off myself.....just kidding...not really...ok maybe a little...probably not). My employer had a severe case of short man syndrome such that when I was wearing heels, as I did everyday, I was at least as tall as he is, if not taller--and it made him uncomfortable (actually most people made him uncomfortable because they were taller than he is). He had an extraordinary amount of "nervous energy" and could not sit or in any way, shape, or form remain stationary. He required an ink pen in his hands at all times, and he insisted upon clicking it incessantly ALL DAY LONG. This noise bothered me so much (I have a little "condition" called Misophonia--look it up it's real--it's literally the hatred of noise) that I would have preferred being bound, gagged, and left naked on an ant hill covered in honey (yes, I took that line from The Golden Girls) to listening to it. And, he burped out lout...disgusting and rude.
However, this was not the worst of his boundary-crossing behavior. He did some really creepy stuff involving his zipper. Yes, his zipper on his pants. Imagine this: your boss (a very physically unattractive man) standing in the doorway to your office and you (a very beautiful woman) sitting at your desk trying to work, and your boss begins fidgeting with his belt buckle as he strikes up a conversation with you. Yes, you can see this in your peripheral vision and you keep telling yourself "Don't look, don't look, oh this is so disgusting and creepy. I'm so good looking and this short, fat, ugly, uncouth man is touching his belt buckle while talking to me and staring at me. Something is very wrong with this picture." Ohhhhh, but it gets better. He then grabs his zipper, and slowly moves it up and down as he continues his conversation with you. You continue to be completely sicked out by this behavior...but the strange thing is, you're never very sure if he's doing this intentionally or if it's some kind of weird nervous habit. Nevertheless, due to this, as well as other behavioral issues with this person, you conclude your employment at this establishment after approximately 3 months of working there.
Yes, that was precisely my experience--no exaggerations. One word: eeeeewwwww!
Fast forward several months to the new job I have. A much better work environment: better job, better pay, better town, better co-workers--essentially, I had become just like George and Weezy--I was moving on up and had finally gotten a piece of the pie!!!!
However, with as many good qualities as my new employer has, it became clear that this employer also had some issues with respecting boundaries (but in a different, less intrusive way [i.e. no behavior bordering on sexual harassment, but it's still weird]). My employer is approximately my parents' age. And, let me be clear, I don't like to hang out with my parents socially (at least not on a consistent basis). I did hang with them about a week or two ago on a Saturday night, but that's not a regular thing. It's cool to go eat dinner with them or go see a movie but that's about it in terms of social activities. I'd rather spend my free time away from work with my friends (as in people my own damn age!!!). So, my employer is CONSTANTLY asking me (and others in our place of business) the following questions: "So, what do you have going on this weekend?" "Do you want to go out and get some dinner (or lunch)" "Hey let's go listen to this band (at some random hole in the wall joint on a Friday night after work). After always being turned down by us, my employer still doesn't "get it" that we do not want to hang out with him. It's nothing personal, but I have to spend about 50ish hours a week with this person. At the end of the business day/week, I don't want to see this person anymore. I want to go home and/or go see my friends. If I'm gonna be spending my free time in a bar/club and/or listening to music, then it's gonna be with people my own age where I can act a fool if I damn well please, drink as much as I want to, and don't have my boss trying to be my "friend" or act like we're "friends." The whole thing is just weird.
My boss also has very little understanding of everyone's life outside of work. He even asks me from time to time (in the context of asking me what I have going on for dinner on a particular night and/or weekend) if I have some hot date lined up. It makes me really uncomfortable, and I don't like it. My personal life is not my employer's business (I don't discuss it with my employer, but he seems to think that it's fair game to bring up).
Anyway, there's more I could rant about. I'm really glad the current employer isn't creepy like the former one (the former one's nickname was the "Creepy Munchkin"). But I really wish my current employer had a better understanding of how to interact with his employees in a more professional manner. There is a difference in being friendly towards your employees and being friends with your employees. I think there's too much room for unintentional abuse of the relationships when employers are friends with their employees and/or expect that their employees should be their friends and/or expect that there should be a social element to the workplace dynamic.
I really like the actual substantive work I'm doing. I'm learning a lot (in a lot of different areas--not just the areas on the surface, so to speak, [I'm always trying to observe people to pick up tips for success in the broader areas of my field because I try to remember that someone will always be watching me]. But I hope that I'll continue to be like George and Weezy Jefferson and that I'll keep "moving on up" and that I'll finally get a "piece of the pie" and have a completely professional work environment.
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