It sucked that I had to go to work on a Saturday and miss watching a very important sporting event....but I digress. At least I got some entertainment while I was slaving away this weekend at my chosen profession.
So, without going into too much detail I'll just say that I had to be around a large group of people when I was working this weekend. Most took their seats in a nice orderly fashion. However, one such person did not and insisted upon pacing back and forth, to and fro in the back of the room. I didn't want to be there, so I was sitting in the back of the room to begin with (lucky for me, because I was in the back of the room, I could see EVERYTHING).
I guess this person gets tired of pacing, and she goes to sit her totally huge fat ass down on the end of a table. It's one of those long wooden tables (the kind you might see at a yard sale). She sits on the one end, and then the opposite end of the table (end closest to me) starts raising up off of the ground, slowly but surely. It continues to go up and down for sometime as she shifts her weight and gets up and down and so on.
As I watched this, I kept thinking: "this is not going to end ell for you Lady!" Sure enough, it didn't end well for her. Eventually, she shifted her weight just so, and (while she didn't fall flat on her ass on the floor--too bad!) she knocked the front end of the table over because of her weight, and this caused the back of the table (and its legs that kept coming up off of the ground to fly up in the air and act as a catapult for the water bottle that was sitting on top of it. The water bottle had to have flown at least ten feet.
It was sooo funny I had to pinch myself soooooo hard, I almost made myself bleed for trying not to laugh!
The moral of the story: if you're fat, sit in a chair.
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Enough Going On to Need a Whole Bottle of Wine
It's been a long week or two weeks since I've last written. My boss has treated me like crap at time or two, and (not surprisingly) I really, really didn't like it. I don't like being yelled at or blamed for someone else's mistakes, and that's what happened recently at work. I honestly don't understand how some people can look at themselves in the mirror and sleep well at night when they can speak to their employees the way my employer speaks to his employees at times and then pretend like nothing has happened, let alone not even bother to apologize for his behavior. I'm really grateful that I have a job with some benefits where I'm able to learn, but I hope that at some point in the not too distant future, that I will have a job with some kind of HR structure so that I don't have to put up with this bullshit (or at least not as much of this bullshit).
Anyway, next on the list of things that have occurred is some news a friend of my received last week. She and her husband separated a few months ago (they're my age) and of course that's really sad. My friend has a dog who's 9 years old, and she just found out that he has a very aggressive cancer that is terminal. And, she learned of his diagnosis I think the day after her birthday. That really sucks. Sometimes the calamities of life just hit you all at once. I definitely hugged my dogs a little tighter (but not too tight--I didn't want their eyes to bug out of their heads!!) and gave them some extra kisses after I heard about my friend's dog. She's obviously very sad. Her boss very graciously donated $300 to her account at her vet so that her dog could stay in doggie day care during the day and be cared for while she's at work, and she wouldn't have to worry about him. He did it anonymously, but somehow she found out that it was him, and she was obviously very touched. I wanted to do something for her, so I also donated some money to her account at the vet, about $100, to help pay for the doggie day care bills. I hope that the end of her dog's life will be spent in peace with loving care and that, as sad as my friend is, it will help her to know that he is being looked after. I really do feel so sad for her, though.
I went out on a date last weekend with a guy I'd been corresponding with/talking with for a couple of weeks (so I only took about a couple of days break from online dating, haha!). I was really looking forward to our date. This guy definitely seemed like my "type"--educated, a professional, friendly, funny, loves dogs, close to his family, cultured, sociable, and so on. We met at a wine bar in town--actually one I'd never been to. I had a great time on the date just talking to him and getting to know him. He really seemed like he was enjoying himself too and having a nice time. I certainly wanted to see him again, and I hoped he felt the same way. However, after a couple of days, I had not heard anything from him, so I sent him a fairly benign text message, and I never received a reply.
This was really disappointing and frustrating. I don't know what men are looking for. I understand if two people don't connect or click on a date--believe me I've had that happen before, and it's pretty obvious when that happens. But I didn't feel like that happened here. I'm very good looking, very well educated, I have a job, and really have a lot going for me and a lot to offer, so it's hard for me to face the fact that I'm still single and alone. I just don't understand why I apparently don't have any luck in this part of my life. It also still really stings that He Who Shall Not Be Named has moved on and found someone else that he's really into and they seem so happy together (especially after he used me and was so careless with my feelings) and here I am still alone and unhappy about that. I had hoped that I would have found someone by now that I would have been deliriously happy with and would have been able to experience all of the wonderful things about being in a good relationship and being treated the way I should be treated. But that hasn't happened, and it's really discouraging. Sometimes just after I turn out my light at night when I go to bed, in the few minutes before I fall asleep, I think about my fears that I will never find someone that makes me happy, who I can make happy, someone who makes me feel (at least in the good ways) that He Who Shall Not Be Named made me feel at times. I don't like that feeling or that fear.
My Mom and others have told me that the best way to meet people is when you're not looking. I suppose there's something to that, and I suppose that maybe I look too hard too often. She told me that she thinks a lot of the men on dating websites are just out for a good time (she didn't say it quite like that!) and perhaps aren't really looking for a commitment. I definitely wonder about that.
Some months ago, as I began to move on from He Who Shall Not Be Named, I decided that I would fill my life with other things and activities that were of meaning to me (since my personal life was essentially nothing!). I wanted to be involved in these other things, but I also think I've viewed them as a way of trying to heal my broken heart and move on and (cliche though it is) get some kind of direction in my life (because I generally feel like I'm wandering around aimlessly). I've become a mentor to a young adolescent, and I'm just about to start tutoring a person who needs to improve reading skills. I'm involved in some other volunteer and professional activities as well. I really enjoy all of these things that I do, I'm glad that I can do them, and I'm looking forward to seeing where they lead me.
And, finally, it wouldn't be a blog post (ok well maybe) without a reference to Mother Dearest. Ok, well I referenced her earlier, but that doesn't count. I love her dearly, but geez she's agitates me and hurts my feelings so much sometimes. I don't feel like she's the same person she was just a few years ago. She really doesn't pay that much attention to me, and I really miss that. I'd say that at least two-thirds of the time that I call her on the phone, probably between 3-5 minutes into the conversation she says something like: "well, I'm not trying to rush off of the phone, but I really can't talk/I have to go/etc." It just seems like every time I try to talk to her, she has something else she needs to do. I frequently have to compete with her phone for her time and attention, and I really don't like that, it's very rude. I've tried to tell her how I feel about this, but she either doesn't acknowledge what I say, or she tells me that she doesn't want to hear it, or to leave her alone, or to stop being mean to her. She did pay attention to me earlier tonight but that was only because she was doing my hair, and she's obsessed with appearances and hair. She spent the entire time she was working on my hair talking about how she was a professional/artist (in terms of hair/makeup) and talking about how good she looks since she's had some work done on her face (she's always looked great, and now she looks even better). So basically, the entire conversation centered around her and how awesome she is. Oh, and when I put my hand in my hair (as she was finishing it up) to tell her I wanted a section of it styled slightly differently, she snapped at me and told me "get your hand out of your hair." It was really mean, the way she said it. Anyway, my Mom's a really unhappy person (just ask her, she'll tell you all about it) and her unhappiness just consumes her to the point where she lives in her own world. She doesn't understand that her children (or at the very least this child) still need her and could just use some normalcy from her. Unfortunately, I think those days, like many others, are gone forever.
So, what do you think? That's what's been going on in my life in the last week or two. Do you understand now why I drink?!!!! What's been going on in your life?
Anyway, next on the list of things that have occurred is some news a friend of my received last week. She and her husband separated a few months ago (they're my age) and of course that's really sad. My friend has a dog who's 9 years old, and she just found out that he has a very aggressive cancer that is terminal. And, she learned of his diagnosis I think the day after her birthday. That really sucks. Sometimes the calamities of life just hit you all at once. I definitely hugged my dogs a little tighter (but not too tight--I didn't want their eyes to bug out of their heads!!) and gave them some extra kisses after I heard about my friend's dog. She's obviously very sad. Her boss very graciously donated $300 to her account at her vet so that her dog could stay in doggie day care during the day and be cared for while she's at work, and she wouldn't have to worry about him. He did it anonymously, but somehow she found out that it was him, and she was obviously very touched. I wanted to do something for her, so I also donated some money to her account at the vet, about $100, to help pay for the doggie day care bills. I hope that the end of her dog's life will be spent in peace with loving care and that, as sad as my friend is, it will help her to know that he is being looked after. I really do feel so sad for her, though.
I went out on a date last weekend with a guy I'd been corresponding with/talking with for a couple of weeks (so I only took about a couple of days break from online dating, haha!). I was really looking forward to our date. This guy definitely seemed like my "type"--educated, a professional, friendly, funny, loves dogs, close to his family, cultured, sociable, and so on. We met at a wine bar in town--actually one I'd never been to. I had a great time on the date just talking to him and getting to know him. He really seemed like he was enjoying himself too and having a nice time. I certainly wanted to see him again, and I hoped he felt the same way. However, after a couple of days, I had not heard anything from him, so I sent him a fairly benign text message, and I never received a reply.
This was really disappointing and frustrating. I don't know what men are looking for. I understand if two people don't connect or click on a date--believe me I've had that happen before, and it's pretty obvious when that happens. But I didn't feel like that happened here. I'm very good looking, very well educated, I have a job, and really have a lot going for me and a lot to offer, so it's hard for me to face the fact that I'm still single and alone. I just don't understand why I apparently don't have any luck in this part of my life. It also still really stings that He Who Shall Not Be Named has moved on and found someone else that he's really into and they seem so happy together (especially after he used me and was so careless with my feelings) and here I am still alone and unhappy about that. I had hoped that I would have found someone by now that I would have been deliriously happy with and would have been able to experience all of the wonderful things about being in a good relationship and being treated the way I should be treated. But that hasn't happened, and it's really discouraging. Sometimes just after I turn out my light at night when I go to bed, in the few minutes before I fall asleep, I think about my fears that I will never find someone that makes me happy, who I can make happy, someone who makes me feel (at least in the good ways) that He Who Shall Not Be Named made me feel at times. I don't like that feeling or that fear.
My Mom and others have told me that the best way to meet people is when you're not looking. I suppose there's something to that, and I suppose that maybe I look too hard too often. She told me that she thinks a lot of the men on dating websites are just out for a good time (she didn't say it quite like that!) and perhaps aren't really looking for a commitment. I definitely wonder about that.
Some months ago, as I began to move on from He Who Shall Not Be Named, I decided that I would fill my life with other things and activities that were of meaning to me (since my personal life was essentially nothing!). I wanted to be involved in these other things, but I also think I've viewed them as a way of trying to heal my broken heart and move on and (cliche though it is) get some kind of direction in my life (because I generally feel like I'm wandering around aimlessly). I've become a mentor to a young adolescent, and I'm just about to start tutoring a person who needs to improve reading skills. I'm involved in some other volunteer and professional activities as well. I really enjoy all of these things that I do, I'm glad that I can do them, and I'm looking forward to seeing where they lead me.
And, finally, it wouldn't be a blog post (ok well maybe) without a reference to Mother Dearest. Ok, well I referenced her earlier, but that doesn't count. I love her dearly, but geez she's agitates me and hurts my feelings so much sometimes. I don't feel like she's the same person she was just a few years ago. She really doesn't pay that much attention to me, and I really miss that. I'd say that at least two-thirds of the time that I call her on the phone, probably between 3-5 minutes into the conversation she says something like: "well, I'm not trying to rush off of the phone, but I really can't talk/I have to go/etc." It just seems like every time I try to talk to her, she has something else she needs to do. I frequently have to compete with her phone for her time and attention, and I really don't like that, it's very rude. I've tried to tell her how I feel about this, but she either doesn't acknowledge what I say, or she tells me that she doesn't want to hear it, or to leave her alone, or to stop being mean to her. She did pay attention to me earlier tonight but that was only because she was doing my hair, and she's obsessed with appearances and hair. She spent the entire time she was working on my hair talking about how she was a professional/artist (in terms of hair/makeup) and talking about how good she looks since she's had some work done on her face (she's always looked great, and now she looks even better). So basically, the entire conversation centered around her and how awesome she is. Oh, and when I put my hand in my hair (as she was finishing it up) to tell her I wanted a section of it styled slightly differently, she snapped at me and told me "get your hand out of your hair." It was really mean, the way she said it. Anyway, my Mom's a really unhappy person (just ask her, she'll tell you all about it) and her unhappiness just consumes her to the point where she lives in her own world. She doesn't understand that her children (or at the very least this child) still need her and could just use some normalcy from her. Unfortunately, I think those days, like many others, are gone forever.
So, what do you think? That's what's been going on in my life in the last week or two. Do you understand now why I drink?!!!! What's been going on in your life?
Monday, February 27, 2012
I Could Use Some Kind of Change (a lesson from How I Met Your Mother)
I was watching How I Met Your Mother earlier tonight (one of my favorite shows!), and one of the characters, Ted, was focused on the fact that he was still alone (i.e. no girlfriend/wife). He was sad, frustrated, disappointed, and seemed a little beaten down.
Ted's experienced unrequited love (another character on the show, Robin, doesn't feel the same way about him). It's obvious that it's really sad for him--the feeling that he's putting himself out there, that he's a great guy with a lot to offer, but he still comes up empty. I really identified with this.
But, at the end of the show, Ted realizes that there are essentially too many ghosts of past memories, past ideas, and past feelings lingering in his apartment. He acknowledges that the ghosts will never be at rest until they have moved on. He also appeared to realize that if something (be it a relationship, a job, or where you live) isn't a good fit (for whatever reason--maybe we never really know) that it really is better to know about this early on so that you don't waste years in an unhappy situation. I know that all of these sentiments are true.
As the show was ending, I thought Ted was just going to be left sad, maybe a little lost, and charged with the task of determining "what's next" (I think that's a horrible feeling of emptiness, confusion, and I suppose what it must be like to have no ground underneath your feet). Ted surprised me though! Ok, ok, so it was the show's writers, I must give credit where credit is due! Ted admitted that he needed a change, that this was the only way the ghosts of his past hopes and feelings would be a rest and be at peace, and he seemed to be optimistic about the future.
I think I need a change. There are many feelings, thoughts, broken promises, and unfulfilled wishes and dreams from my past that need to be put to rest. I suppose I'm in a good place in my life, but I really believe that the shadows of all of these emotions, memories, and ideas I've had to say goodbye to keep me in a place that I don't want to be, a place that is unproductive, unhealthy, and completely useless. I guess I'm still trying to find my own way to move on from so much and let things be at rest, and maybe I really don't know how.
I have to wonder, though, if making some changes in my life would help. I've been living more for myself recently (and that's a great thing!) by becoming more actively involved in causes/organizations that have meaning for me (i.e. volunteering my time), and I'm so glad that I can do this. I actually just today decided to take an extended break from the online dating world. I was tired of it--tired of looking! I need a break from that, and I think I'll be a lot happier if I spend my time engaged in activities and pursuits that are of interest to me rather than looking for Mr. Right! (Though I so identify with Ted with the feeling that you're never noticed or nothing ever seems to work out although you know how much you have to give and what a catch you are--I hope I am!). I'm not sure what else to do--suggestions are welcome!!
I need a little more pep in my step, I want to move forward, and, while I've tried to say goodbye to the feelings, emotions, and some of the dreams/plans I've had for my life, I want to be able to leave them in my past completely and remember (everyday remember!) that some of the best days of my life haven't even happened yet. I want that to be what guides me.
Ted's experienced unrequited love (another character on the show, Robin, doesn't feel the same way about him). It's obvious that it's really sad for him--the feeling that he's putting himself out there, that he's a great guy with a lot to offer, but he still comes up empty. I really identified with this.
But, at the end of the show, Ted realizes that there are essentially too many ghosts of past memories, past ideas, and past feelings lingering in his apartment. He acknowledges that the ghosts will never be at rest until they have moved on. He also appeared to realize that if something (be it a relationship, a job, or where you live) isn't a good fit (for whatever reason--maybe we never really know) that it really is better to know about this early on so that you don't waste years in an unhappy situation. I know that all of these sentiments are true.
As the show was ending, I thought Ted was just going to be left sad, maybe a little lost, and charged with the task of determining "what's next" (I think that's a horrible feeling of emptiness, confusion, and I suppose what it must be like to have no ground underneath your feet). Ted surprised me though! Ok, ok, so it was the show's writers, I must give credit where credit is due! Ted admitted that he needed a change, that this was the only way the ghosts of his past hopes and feelings would be a rest and be at peace, and he seemed to be optimistic about the future.
I think I need a change. There are many feelings, thoughts, broken promises, and unfulfilled wishes and dreams from my past that need to be put to rest. I suppose I'm in a good place in my life, but I really believe that the shadows of all of these emotions, memories, and ideas I've had to say goodbye to keep me in a place that I don't want to be, a place that is unproductive, unhealthy, and completely useless. I guess I'm still trying to find my own way to move on from so much and let things be at rest, and maybe I really don't know how.
I have to wonder, though, if making some changes in my life would help. I've been living more for myself recently (and that's a great thing!) by becoming more actively involved in causes/organizations that have meaning for me (i.e. volunteering my time), and I'm so glad that I can do this. I actually just today decided to take an extended break from the online dating world. I was tired of it--tired of looking! I need a break from that, and I think I'll be a lot happier if I spend my time engaged in activities and pursuits that are of interest to me rather than looking for Mr. Right! (Though I so identify with Ted with the feeling that you're never noticed or nothing ever seems to work out although you know how much you have to give and what a catch you are--I hope I am!). I'm not sure what else to do--suggestions are welcome!!
I need a little more pep in my step, I want to move forward, and, while I've tried to say goodbye to the feelings, emotions, and some of the dreams/plans I've had for my life, I want to be able to leave them in my past completely and remember (everyday remember!) that some of the best days of my life haven't even happened yet. I want that to be what guides me.
Sunday, February 26, 2012
This is a wonderful painting titled "Allegory of Fortune." It's currently on loan to the Getty Museum in Los Angeles. I believe that everything the painting represents is true:
"Found at a flea market and purchased for a modest sum by an anonymous buyer, the unwrapped, seven-foot Allegory of Fortune was strapped to the roof of a car and brought to Christie's auction house in New York City. There experts recognized it as an important, long-lost allegorical scene by the Ferrarese master Dosso Dossi.
While the painting's precise meaning remains a mystery, Dosso's message seems to be that prosperity in life is transitory and dependent on luck. The nude woman represents Fortune, or Lady Luck. She holds a cornucopia, flaunting the bounty that she could bring, but sits on a bubble because her favors are often fleeting. The billowing drapery is a reminder that she is changeable like the wind. Her single shoe symbolizes her ability to bring not only fortune but also misfortune.
The man on the left personifies chance. He looks over at Fortune and holds up a stack of lottery tickets, which he is about to place inside a golden urn, a timely reference to the civic lotteries that had just become popular in Italy. The tickets may also refer to the painting's probable patron, Isabella d'Este, Marchioness of Mantua. One of her emblems was a bundle of lots, denoting her personal experience with fluctuating fortune."
--The description of the painting on the Getty Museum's website
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Remember The Greek Way
"The Greeks were keenly aware, terribly aware, of life's uncertainty and the imminence of death. Over and over again they emphasize the brevity and the failure of all human endeavor, the swift passing of all that is beautiful and joyful . . . [b]ut never, not in their darkest moments, do they lose their taste for life. It is always a wonder and a delight, the world a place of beauty, and they themselves rejoicing to be alive in it."
--Edith Hamilton
I think the Greeks were much more enlightened than members of our modern day society. They had a mature understanding of how challenging and heartbreaking (but also how wonderful) life can be. For whatever reason(s) we continue to be shocked and deeply saddened by the acts of man and acts of God that occur which are inconsistent with our expecations and beliefs for how our lives should play out and how our world should function. That's not to say that being sad, disappointed, and, indeed, feeling a range of emotions is wrong--it is all completely normal--but too often we adopt too dim of a view on our lives and "life" in general upon the receipt of, as Edith Hamilton wrote, "the failure of all human endeavor." I believe we would all be much happier if we could at least try to remember and practice The Greek Way which is where we acknowledge and understand the uncertainity of our lives and the world we live in, yet we live our lives full of abundance and fervor for the wonder and delight that is always present (be it big or small at any given time) and rejoice to have the chance to be alive.
--Edith Hamilton
I think the Greeks were much more enlightened than members of our modern day society. They had a mature understanding of how challenging and heartbreaking (but also how wonderful) life can be. For whatever reason(s) we continue to be shocked and deeply saddened by the acts of man and acts of God that occur which are inconsistent with our expecations and beliefs for how our lives should play out and how our world should function. That's not to say that being sad, disappointed, and, indeed, feeling a range of emotions is wrong--it is all completely normal--but too often we adopt too dim of a view on our lives and "life" in general upon the receipt of, as Edith Hamilton wrote, "the failure of all human endeavor." I believe we would all be much happier if we could at least try to remember and practice The Greek Way which is where we acknowledge and understand the uncertainity of our lives and the world we live in, yet we live our lives full of abundance and fervor for the wonder and delight that is always present (be it big or small at any given time) and rejoice to have the chance to be alive.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Bosses with NO Boundaries
Hey, don't get me wrong, I'm very much aware that I'm soooo lucky to be employed. And I try to remember to give thanks for that everyday (even though there are things about my job that displease me). I'm truly much better off than most of my contemporaries. --As I write this, I'll take a moment to stop and give thanks and praise for that--- . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Anyway, that all being said, damn if I don't have and haven't previously had some employers who have no understanding of proper boundaries in the workplace. First, about a year ago, the work environment I was in was completely intolerable. I have never encountered anything like that in my life, and I do not think I ever will again (I mean, if I do, I'll just have to fucking off myself.....just kidding...not really...ok maybe a little...probably not). My employer had a severe case of short man syndrome such that when I was wearing heels, as I did everyday, I was at least as tall as he is, if not taller--and it made him uncomfortable (actually most people made him uncomfortable because they were taller than he is). He had an extraordinary amount of "nervous energy" and could not sit or in any way, shape, or form remain stationary. He required an ink pen in his hands at all times, and he insisted upon clicking it incessantly ALL DAY LONG. This noise bothered me so much (I have a little "condition" called Misophonia--look it up it's real--it's literally the hatred of noise) that I would have preferred being bound, gagged, and left naked on an ant hill covered in honey (yes, I took that line from The Golden Girls) to listening to it. And, he burped out lout...disgusting and rude.
However, this was not the worst of his boundary-crossing behavior. He did some really creepy stuff involving his zipper. Yes, his zipper on his pants. Imagine this: your boss (a very physically unattractive man) standing in the doorway to your office and you (a very beautiful woman) sitting at your desk trying to work, and your boss begins fidgeting with his belt buckle as he strikes up a conversation with you. Yes, you can see this in your peripheral vision and you keep telling yourself "Don't look, don't look, oh this is so disgusting and creepy. I'm so good looking and this short, fat, ugly, uncouth man is touching his belt buckle while talking to me and staring at me. Something is very wrong with this picture." Ohhhhh, but it gets better. He then grabs his zipper, and slowly moves it up and down as he continues his conversation with you. You continue to be completely sicked out by this behavior...but the strange thing is, you're never very sure if he's doing this intentionally or if it's some kind of weird nervous habit. Nevertheless, due to this, as well as other behavioral issues with this person, you conclude your employment at this establishment after approximately 3 months of working there.
Yes, that was precisely my experience--no exaggerations. One word: eeeeewwwww!
Fast forward several months to the new job I have. A much better work environment: better job, better pay, better town, better co-workers--essentially, I had become just like George and Weezy--I was moving on up and had finally gotten a piece of the pie!!!!
However, with as many good qualities as my new employer has, it became clear that this employer also had some issues with respecting boundaries (but in a different, less intrusive way [i.e. no behavior bordering on sexual harassment, but it's still weird]). My employer is approximately my parents' age. And, let me be clear, I don't like to hang out with my parents socially (at least not on a consistent basis). I did hang with them about a week or two ago on a Saturday night, but that's not a regular thing. It's cool to go eat dinner with them or go see a movie but that's about it in terms of social activities. I'd rather spend my free time away from work with my friends (as in people my own damn age!!!). So, my employer is CONSTANTLY asking me (and others in our place of business) the following questions: "So, what do you have going on this weekend?" "Do you want to go out and get some dinner (or lunch)" "Hey let's go listen to this band (at some random hole in the wall joint on a Friday night after work). After always being turned down by us, my employer still doesn't "get it" that we do not want to hang out with him. It's nothing personal, but I have to spend about 50ish hours a week with this person. At the end of the business day/week, I don't want to see this person anymore. I want to go home and/or go see my friends. If I'm gonna be spending my free time in a bar/club and/or listening to music, then it's gonna be with people my own age where I can act a fool if I damn well please, drink as much as I want to, and don't have my boss trying to be my "friend" or act like we're "friends." The whole thing is just weird.
My boss also has very little understanding of everyone's life outside of work. He even asks me from time to time (in the context of asking me what I have going on for dinner on a particular night and/or weekend) if I have some hot date lined up. It makes me really uncomfortable, and I don't like it. My personal life is not my employer's business (I don't discuss it with my employer, but he seems to think that it's fair game to bring up).
Anyway, there's more I could rant about. I'm really glad the current employer isn't creepy like the former one (the former one's nickname was the "Creepy Munchkin"). But I really wish my current employer had a better understanding of how to interact with his employees in a more professional manner. There is a difference in being friendly towards your employees and being friends with your employees. I think there's too much room for unintentional abuse of the relationships when employers are friends with their employees and/or expect that their employees should be their friends and/or expect that there should be a social element to the workplace dynamic.
I really like the actual substantive work I'm doing. I'm learning a lot (in a lot of different areas--not just the areas on the surface, so to speak, [I'm always trying to observe people to pick up tips for success in the broader areas of my field because I try to remember that someone will always be watching me]. But I hope that I'll continue to be like George and Weezy Jefferson and that I'll keep "moving on up" and that I'll finally get a "piece of the pie" and have a completely professional work environment.
Anyway, that all being said, damn if I don't have and haven't previously had some employers who have no understanding of proper boundaries in the workplace. First, about a year ago, the work environment I was in was completely intolerable. I have never encountered anything like that in my life, and I do not think I ever will again (I mean, if I do, I'll just have to fucking off myself.....just kidding...not really...ok maybe a little...probably not). My employer had a severe case of short man syndrome such that when I was wearing heels, as I did everyday, I was at least as tall as he is, if not taller--and it made him uncomfortable (actually most people made him uncomfortable because they were taller than he is). He had an extraordinary amount of "nervous energy" and could not sit or in any way, shape, or form remain stationary. He required an ink pen in his hands at all times, and he insisted upon clicking it incessantly ALL DAY LONG. This noise bothered me so much (I have a little "condition" called Misophonia--look it up it's real--it's literally the hatred of noise) that I would have preferred being bound, gagged, and left naked on an ant hill covered in honey (yes, I took that line from The Golden Girls) to listening to it. And, he burped out lout...disgusting and rude.
However, this was not the worst of his boundary-crossing behavior. He did some really creepy stuff involving his zipper. Yes, his zipper on his pants. Imagine this: your boss (a very physically unattractive man) standing in the doorway to your office and you (a very beautiful woman) sitting at your desk trying to work, and your boss begins fidgeting with his belt buckle as he strikes up a conversation with you. Yes, you can see this in your peripheral vision and you keep telling yourself "Don't look, don't look, oh this is so disgusting and creepy. I'm so good looking and this short, fat, ugly, uncouth man is touching his belt buckle while talking to me and staring at me. Something is very wrong with this picture." Ohhhhh, but it gets better. He then grabs his zipper, and slowly moves it up and down as he continues his conversation with you. You continue to be completely sicked out by this behavior...but the strange thing is, you're never very sure if he's doing this intentionally or if it's some kind of weird nervous habit. Nevertheless, due to this, as well as other behavioral issues with this person, you conclude your employment at this establishment after approximately 3 months of working there.
Yes, that was precisely my experience--no exaggerations. One word: eeeeewwwww!
Fast forward several months to the new job I have. A much better work environment: better job, better pay, better town, better co-workers--essentially, I had become just like George and Weezy--I was moving on up and had finally gotten a piece of the pie!!!!
However, with as many good qualities as my new employer has, it became clear that this employer also had some issues with respecting boundaries (but in a different, less intrusive way [i.e. no behavior bordering on sexual harassment, but it's still weird]). My employer is approximately my parents' age. And, let me be clear, I don't like to hang out with my parents socially (at least not on a consistent basis). I did hang with them about a week or two ago on a Saturday night, but that's not a regular thing. It's cool to go eat dinner with them or go see a movie but that's about it in terms of social activities. I'd rather spend my free time away from work with my friends (as in people my own damn age!!!). So, my employer is CONSTANTLY asking me (and others in our place of business) the following questions: "So, what do you have going on this weekend?" "Do you want to go out and get some dinner (or lunch)" "Hey let's go listen to this band (at some random hole in the wall joint on a Friday night after work). After always being turned down by us, my employer still doesn't "get it" that we do not want to hang out with him. It's nothing personal, but I have to spend about 50ish hours a week with this person. At the end of the business day/week, I don't want to see this person anymore. I want to go home and/or go see my friends. If I'm gonna be spending my free time in a bar/club and/or listening to music, then it's gonna be with people my own age where I can act a fool if I damn well please, drink as much as I want to, and don't have my boss trying to be my "friend" or act like we're "friends." The whole thing is just weird.
My boss also has very little understanding of everyone's life outside of work. He even asks me from time to time (in the context of asking me what I have going on for dinner on a particular night and/or weekend) if I have some hot date lined up. It makes me really uncomfortable, and I don't like it. My personal life is not my employer's business (I don't discuss it with my employer, but he seems to think that it's fair game to bring up).
Anyway, there's more I could rant about. I'm really glad the current employer isn't creepy like the former one (the former one's nickname was the "Creepy Munchkin"). But I really wish my current employer had a better understanding of how to interact with his employees in a more professional manner. There is a difference in being friendly towards your employees and being friends with your employees. I think there's too much room for unintentional abuse of the relationships when employers are friends with their employees and/or expect that their employees should be their friends and/or expect that there should be a social element to the workplace dynamic.
I really like the actual substantive work I'm doing. I'm learning a lot (in a lot of different areas--not just the areas on the surface, so to speak, [I'm always trying to observe people to pick up tips for success in the broader areas of my field because I try to remember that someone will always be watching me]. But I hope that I'll continue to be like George and Weezy Jefferson and that I'll keep "moving on up" and that I'll finally get a "piece of the pie" and have a completely professional work environment.
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